Well. I know that I should sleep now but I cannot because i really want to share my though badly.
It was stuck in my heart for months.
I felt so touch in very second nowadays because of you all. Last time, I was thinking that others treating me well is their responsibility. However, now I know that is not but i wish it is not late yet.
I am no a nice girl and not a caring person as well. I did not know about the way to treat others well.But you all always willing to lend your hand to help me when i need without excuse.I cannot describe my feeling to show my appreciation on your all care and help in my life.
After the "accident" , it just a "slap" on my face. Be honest, I was an emotional girl. I always hide myself from others and exhausted for attention. I felt others should treat me well especially when I treat them well. I got mad when they ignore me and even scold them. Now, I am here to sorry for hurting you all and making you all worry me at all the times. I am lucky that I realize it but unfortunately I still lost few people who are important in my life.
You all did not fail to make me happy. No matter how far I am or even how long we did not meet up, you all wont make me felt that I am apart from you all. You all will never forgot about me and always surprise me in my life.
Now, i just want to say again thanks to you all. No matter pass or now, you all make my life colourful. You all are the reason of I smile.
To all my dearest friend and family, I Love you.
If can , lets me know when you need me and lets me to help.
2017年9月4日星期一
2015年6月18日星期四
2015年6月17日星期三
1st day of break up.
After one year, I opened it after super sad.
This our second time but also 1st time officially break up. After our happy and sweet memories for 447 days. I though it will be stable for this time but i am not.
For this time, mostly is my problem. I too scare to lost him so i tie him tight. I knew i should not do that. I trying to change but now he never even give me chance anymore.
Today, i cried many times.No matter how i beg him. he said we are impossible. It may normal and acceptable if told by other but it painful when told by him. All of our sweet memories keep playing in my mind. Now all change. Same place same times, i become alone.I wonder what u will feel? I cannot forgot the time to cook medicine, call me to take care my health and carry me to sleep. I though take care each other when couple is something that sweet. But now i only know that is heavy responsible for you. You felt tired and felt want to leave me.But i am no robot. How can i face the suddenly change from couple to be friend? do u know how same i am when u ignore me and talking phone with smiling face and pass by me. Heartbreak. I though i can do what u say be happy and be normal friend as you. Now i know that is not easy than what i expected.
You said i am not good in what. I do whatever to change for you but you told me that you dun want me to change. I just done what you hope to be.I rmb before we together i had said you do u mind my age. but now you told me i am old. Our love not even strong until can face the age difference problem.
Now,I act to be happy.I trying to make you no need worry about me.I choose to accept to break because you told me:if you love me, you should listen to me and give me the freedom and happy that i wanted. I choose to follow what you want. You said i will used to it after cried for few months but you did not know how many effort that i used to think for you.I know i am selfish because i felt why you can smile and play with others but not sad as me at all. But now i know what i want. i will wait one day you return.I will smile to you until the day i leave the world.Do you know every time you reject the care from me.I really super sad and heart break.Honestly, life really hard to expect. I really dun know when and where i will die. I know you will not read this because you hate to read long essay. Hope if one day i leave the world, you willing to finish and understand my feeling.will you?
gor gor? today i really happy that can cook with you and play with you in room.
Now, i know care should no use scold. Should talk when moody. Please dun say introduce guy to me and say when i couple will forgot the pain that you gave me. Really heart break. I am not a thing or robot or even toy. I am human.sorry i cannot control my tears. I will i will do what you hope and happy. maybe i not the right one for you. Or maybe when you read, i ady die? please rmb to don't the same thing to another girl that you love. I will sad when see you regret and emo.i love you. gor gor........but too bad you forgot you used to love me previously. Argue and some unhappy memory is normal but too bad both of us fail to pass it because you choose to give up. mun. i really sad and hurt. but i promise i will be better and get the chance to return back your hug.
well. i know i am crazy. i have chance to voice out my feeling because you dun like.U said you will hate me if i do that.i created a song in toilet to voice out my heartbreak feeling.
我不是你想象的坚强，
我强颜欢笑，
只为了实现你的梦想。。。
你要什么。
我都努力地给你，
可是你说，
你不想要我改变，
因为我已经不像我。
This our second time but also 1st time officially break up. After our happy and sweet memories for 447 days. I though it will be stable for this time but i am not.
For this time, mostly is my problem. I too scare to lost him so i tie him tight. I knew i should not do that. I trying to change but now he never even give me chance anymore.
Today, i cried many times.No matter how i beg him. he said we are impossible. It may normal and acceptable if told by other but it painful when told by him. All of our sweet memories keep playing in my mind. Now all change. Same place same times, i become alone.I wonder what u will feel? I cannot forgot the time to cook medicine, call me to take care my health and carry me to sleep. I though take care each other when couple is something that sweet. But now i only know that is heavy responsible for you. You felt tired and felt want to leave me.But i am no robot. How can i face the suddenly change from couple to be friend? do u know how same i am when u ignore me and talking phone with smiling face and pass by me. Heartbreak. I though i can do what u say be happy and be normal friend as you. Now i know that is not easy than what i expected.
You said i am not good in what. I do whatever to change for you but you told me that you dun want me to change. I just done what you hope to be.I rmb before we together i had said you do u mind my age. but now you told me i am old. Our love not even strong until can face the age difference problem.
Now,I act to be happy.I trying to make you no need worry about me.I choose to accept to break because you told me:if you love me, you should listen to me and give me the freedom and happy that i wanted. I choose to follow what you want. You said i will used to it after cried for few months but you did not know how many effort that i used to think for you.I know i am selfish because i felt why you can smile and play with others but not sad as me at all. But now i know what i want. i will wait one day you return.I will smile to you until the day i leave the world.Do you know every time you reject the care from me.I really super sad and heart break.Honestly, life really hard to expect. I really dun know when and where i will die. I know you will not read this because you hate to read long essay. Hope if one day i leave the world, you willing to finish and understand my feeling.will you?
gor gor? today i really happy that can cook with you and play with you in room.
Now, i know care should no use scold. Should talk when moody. Please dun say introduce guy to me and say when i couple will forgot the pain that you gave me. Really heart break. I am not a thing or robot or even toy. I am human.sorry i cannot control my tears. I will i will do what you hope and happy. maybe i not the right one for you. Or maybe when you read, i ady die? please rmb to don't the same thing to another girl that you love. I will sad when see you regret and emo.i love you. gor gor........but too bad you forgot you used to love me previously. Argue and some unhappy memory is normal but too bad both of us fail to pass it because you choose to give up. mun. i really sad and hurt. but i promise i will be better and get the chance to return back your hug.
well. i know i am crazy. i have chance to voice out my feeling because you dun like.U said you will hate me if i do that.i created a song in toilet to voice out my heartbreak feeling.
我不是你想象的坚强，
我强颜欢笑，
只为了实现你的梦想。。。
你要什么。
我都努力地给你，
可是你说，
你不想要我改变，
因为我已经不像我。
2013年1月15日星期二
1st day of uni life..14.1.13
haiz...i am 21 years old but i enter foundation..
i always advise myself to stop this stupid thinking..
because it can affect my future ,
make me become unstatisfied with my new life..
hard to know new friends that different age with me..
my mind set is like this.
i will keep thinking that am i regret???
what happen if i make correct choice since f5.
go in foundation.mayb next time i ady graduate.
i going to crazy..
especially i fail to know new friends here..
i cough made some ppl go far from me..
today i wasted my time, energy and money..
i am still luckily because my cute friend jia yu took degree in pj utar campus ..
at least someone follow me to go school in 1st day ( not include orientation day )
we took bus and we went block PC because she need to get her time table..
utar block is everywhere..until taxi uncle also say the same thing , he sometime will mix up..
PD and PC block different 25mins..omg..i going to late.
that why i lost and fail to find my tutorial class at block PE..
i walked here and there..
hot and tired..
luckily i saw a security going to block PE too..
thanks for him so much..
i was waiting and waiting for my class..
but i felt weird why ady 2pm but no anyone enter class..
then i went counter to request time table..
the counter staff like a but impatient and ask me to check though wedsite next time..
it totally match with the time table that i had download but how come no ppl ??
i waited another 10mins and decided to ask again at counter..
so many ppl... gave up..
and walked here and there..
see carefully the time table that they had gave..
NO TUTORIALS AND PRACTICAL CLASS in 1st week..
=.= /// faint...
i wait for so long and do nothing..
haiz again...
plan to go back home..
omg , utar bus ticket no with me...
when can take public bus ???i also dun know..
at last , challenge myself...
follow the map that i download and walked lonely.
on the way , i dun know where i am..
saw mcd , then used wifi to check my location at that time..
so sad is the map useless for me..i dun know how to read map..
half way,i ask one uncle..thanks for uncle tbecause told me the route.
that time i only knew that i walked a loong route actually lrt just near by me..
after one hour , i found it..i am so happy at that moment..i success..^^
this was my 1st day utar life..
i always advise myself to stop this stupid thinking..
because it can affect my future ,
make me become unstatisfied with my new life..
hard to know new friends that different age with me..
my mind set is like this.
i will keep thinking that am i regret???
what happen if i make correct choice since f5.
go in foundation.mayb next time i ady graduate.
i going to crazy..
especially i fail to know new friends here..
i cough made some ppl go far from me..
today i wasted my time, energy and money..
i am still luckily because my cute friend jia yu took degree in pj utar campus ..
at least someone follow me to go school in 1st day ( not include orientation day )
we took bus and we went block PC because she need to get her time table..
utar block is everywhere..until taxi uncle also say the same thing , he sometime will mix up..
PD and PC block different 25mins..omg..i going to late.
that why i lost and fail to find my tutorial class at block PE..
i walked here and there..
hot and tired..
luckily i saw a security going to block PE too..
thanks for him so much..
i was waiting and waiting for my class..
but i felt weird why ady 2pm but no anyone enter class..
then i went counter to request time table..
the counter staff like a but impatient and ask me to check though wedsite next time..
it totally match with the time table that i had download but how come no ppl ??
i waited another 10mins and decided to ask again at counter..
so many ppl... gave up..
and walked here and there..
see carefully the time table that they had gave..
NO TUTORIALS AND PRACTICAL CLASS in 1st week..
=.= /// faint...
i wait for so long and do nothing..
haiz again...
plan to go back home..
omg , utar bus ticket no with me...
when can take public bus ???i also dun know..
at last , challenge myself...
follow the map that i download and walked lonely.
on the way , i dun know where i am..
saw mcd , then used wifi to check my location at that time..
so sad is the map useless for me..i dun know how to read map..
half way,i ask one uncle..thanks for uncle tbecause told me the route.
that time i only knew that i walked a loong route actually lrt just near by me..
after one hour , i found it..i am so happy at that moment..i success..^^
this was my 1st day utar life..
someone told me..but it is true..
find a guy that like you - easy;
find a guy that love you -not easy ;
find a guy that love you and you also love him -hard ;
find a guy that love you and you love him and willing to share housework with you - very hard ;
find a guy that love you and you love him and can accept all your bad habit and change himself because of you and share housework with you -extremely hard but he will be your true love..^^
find a guy that love you -not easy ;
find a guy that love you and you also love him -hard ;
find a guy that love you and you love him and willing to share housework with you - very hard ;
find a guy that love you and you love him and can accept all your bad habit and change himself because of you and share housework with you -extremely hard but he will be your true love..^^
2012年12月31日星期一
i plan to open new blog for my travel life...^^
but i fail to do that~
i love travel...<3
went to new place..
knew more new things and more experience~
hehhehe..
i plan to go a lot place..
this year i went a lot new places..
all thanks for my dad..
he willing to spend money to bring we all have trip outside...
we had went to langkawi n redang...
here i will share my experience for vietnam..
i went hanoi and halong bay..
we took plane at early morning..
we whole night never sleep..
and waiting for van coming at 3am..
air asia plane no really suit for long journey..
body will pain because of the chair is hard..
waw...my uncle work there was one of reason that we went to hanoi...
we can stay his home..
and he can suggested the place to visit for us too..
he waited us at airport..
he rent a van for us..
the van brought us go to a lot muzuem..
to let us to know more about vietnam..
about their custom , history , transitional and building , war..
their building is very special..slim and tall....and beautiful design..
the road is big different as well..
the sound of hop unstop and make us felt annoying..
all of they are dangerous driver for us..
the motor can go so near to van..just 3 cm far..
in kl , it wont happen..
their car same like no brek..
never see them brek even they going to hit each other..
we are shouting and worry for them but it is normal for them..
but more unespected was there are super less death case of accident compare with malaysia..
and another big different with us are they like to use left hand..
their car driver at left hand side..
rotation of lock and switch light also opposite direction with us..
vietnam have a lot pretty girl...
and they have some bad habit...
man like to piss at roadside..omg!!!!
and they not really friendly , for those roadside shop ,
example they use " rotan " to expulse those customer that never buy their thing...
and they like to tell you a super high price for their products..
want to get a good quality and cheap product???
then you have to be smart to reduce price...^^
if you lazy to do that , better suggestion is go shopping centre~
and BE CAREFUL when you walking at roadside..because some of them have bad habit..
which is like to steal visitor thing..take care your thing careful.
the way to make sure you have a happy trip..
my uncle nearly lost his passport because of this..
try to prevent to bring passport when you at outside~
vietnam have air pollution....their water is not really suit us...
can say that most of the women and girls are long hair there..
so they maybe will ask to go male toilet if you having a short hair...xp
their food special...we ate a lot new food...example use paper that can eat to pack the vege ( all mix tgt) ~
and eggs which can see the duckling look..
i had try it..yiu can felt the bone of duckling..
you can see it shape..eye , small intestine...yer~
their curry and soap no bad as well...
most nice is their steam rice..yummy~
at there , all of us drink beer..just because beer cheaper and worth it compare with bottle water~
we went to eat buffet twice..
one person rm 80.. but it really a lot choice... bbq , japanese , vietnam food , dessert ..
more important is lobster...yum yum...
spend money there , you will felt that you are super rich...
one meal spend around 1 million...
because rm1 is same as vietnam 6500..
the most memorable experience was the days on the ship..halong bay~
the peace life~
quiet and pretty landscape which will make want to capture all of it in your mind..
it really super relax..suit for family trip and person that always stress for work..
and some fun activities can be done on the boat..
example we fishing, we got only one cuttlefish...and made it as our breakfast on next day morning..
waw...halong bay was cold .. no sun ....full of cloud...
and we having fun when " kayakking"
new experience for me..but i can play it well...yeah...
we also visit some cave.. a lot different shape of stole such as turtle shape...
they also selling thing on ship...that why we sure that their seafood is fresh..
they will kill and cook on the spot for you~
our boat also prepare wain for us as lunch...
hahhaha..our tourist guide though i still underage...opps~
should i happy for it?? hahhahahah.... laughing in my heart...
we on same boat with some foreigner visitors....^^
but some of them are not really friendly~
do you know that where the faeces from you all will go??? ( whe you piss n boat)
after we come back , other boat will to suck all ' dirty thing ' away~
we call it as ' ship boat '..hahahhaha
there have a lot of boat there...some boat really verypretty and nice design~ around 600 ships there according our tourist guide..
so sad that we rushing time...so no have chance to visit sapa..
which is a beautiful landscape too....
next time only go...
my target are london , us , taiwan , japan , korea , thailand and china ...hahhaha...
but i fail to do that~
i love travel...<3
went to new place..
knew more new things and more experience~
hehhehe..
i plan to go a lot place..
this year i went a lot new places..
all thanks for my dad..
he willing to spend money to bring we all have trip outside...
we had went to langkawi n redang...
here i will share my experience for vietnam..
i went hanoi and halong bay..
we took plane at early morning..
we whole night never sleep..
and waiting for van coming at 3am..
air asia plane no really suit for long journey..
body will pain because of the chair is hard..
waw...my uncle work there was one of reason that we went to hanoi...
we can stay his home..
and he can suggested the place to visit for us too..
he waited us at airport..
he rent a van for us..
the van brought us go to a lot muzuem..
to let us to know more about vietnam..
about their custom , history , transitional and building , war..
their building is very special..slim and tall....and beautiful design..
the road is big different as well..
the sound of hop unstop and make us felt annoying..
all of they are dangerous driver for us..
the motor can go so near to van..just 3 cm far..
in kl , it wont happen..
their car same like no brek..
never see them brek even they going to hit each other..
we are shouting and worry for them but it is normal for them..
but more unespected was there are super less death case of accident compare with malaysia..
and another big different with us are they like to use left hand..
their car driver at left hand side..
rotation of lock and switch light also opposite direction with us..
vietnam have a lot pretty girl...
and they have some bad habit...
man like to piss at roadside..omg!!!!
and they not really friendly , for those roadside shop ,
example they use " rotan " to expulse those customer that never buy their thing...
and they like to tell you a super high price for their products..
want to get a good quality and cheap product???
then you have to be smart to reduce price...^^
if you lazy to do that , better suggestion is go shopping centre~
and BE CAREFUL when you walking at roadside..because some of them have bad habit..
which is like to steal visitor thing..take care your thing careful.
the way to make sure you have a happy trip..
my uncle nearly lost his passport because of this..
try to prevent to bring passport when you at outside~
vietnam have air pollution....their water is not really suit us...
can say that most of the women and girls are long hair there..
so they maybe will ask to go male toilet if you having a short hair...xp
their food special...we ate a lot new food...example use paper that can eat to pack the vege ( all mix tgt) ~
and eggs which can see the duckling look..
i had try it..yiu can felt the bone of duckling..
you can see it shape..eye , small intestine...yer~
their curry and soap no bad as well...
most nice is their steam rice..yummy~
at there , all of us drink beer..just because beer cheaper and worth it compare with bottle water~
we went to eat buffet twice..
one person rm 80.. but it really a lot choice... bbq , japanese , vietnam food , dessert ..
more important is lobster...yum yum...
spend money there , you will felt that you are super rich...
one meal spend around 1 million...
because rm1 is same as vietnam 6500..
the most memorable experience was the days on the ship..halong bay~
the peace life~
quiet and pretty landscape which will make want to capture all of it in your mind..
it really super relax..suit for family trip and person that always stress for work..
and some fun activities can be done on the boat..
example we fishing, we got only one cuttlefish...and made it as our breakfast on next day morning..
waw...halong bay was cold .. no sun ....full of cloud...
and we having fun when " kayakking"
new experience for me..but i can play it well...yeah...
we also visit some cave.. a lot different shape of stole such as turtle shape...
they also selling thing on ship...that why we sure that their seafood is fresh..
they will kill and cook on the spot for you~
our boat also prepare wain for us as lunch...
hahhaha..our tourist guide though i still underage...opps~
should i happy for it?? hahhahahah.... laughing in my heart...
we on same boat with some foreigner visitors....^^
but some of them are not really friendly~
do you know that where the faeces from you all will go??? ( whe you piss n boat)
after we come back , other boat will to suck all ' dirty thing ' away~
we call it as ' ship boat '..hahahhaha
there have a lot of boat there...some boat really verypretty and nice design~ around 600 ships there according our tourist guide..
so sad that we rushing time...so no have chance to visit sapa..
which is a beautiful landscape too....
next time only go...
my target are london , us , taiwan , japan , korea , thailand and china ...hahhaha...
my mood...at the last day of 2013~ bad mood~
sometime i am emo person~
i felt i am useless but actually it is true...
i am the kind of person that easy to give up when meet some problem~
i felt to give up league membership...
i learn music for long time..
but i still play like' suck'...
all is my own trouble..
i am lazy but wish to become professional..
lazy to sacrifice my time to practise ~
i still weaker than the new member...
haiz...
but what can do..
who ask me lazy...
give up ??? i think to do that many times..
but i cannot leave there..
because i like it life..
all members same like my family member..
but i stress if i still remain my lazy habit..
new year coming...
think positive..
change myself..
ppl can give up me..only myself cannot give up myself...cheer...
try to change myself...to be better ~
in study too.. i have same habit..always skip what that i no understand..
that my result always bad ..hehhehehe
vivian vivian vivian...
new year new vivian..
more target..
to become better vivian...
wish all my friends can do the same thing too...
i felt i am useless but actually it is true...
i am the kind of person that easy to give up when meet some problem~
i felt to give up league membership...
i learn music for long time..
but i still play like' suck'...
all is my own trouble..
i am lazy but wish to become professional..
lazy to sacrifice my time to practise ~
i still weaker than the new member...
haiz...
but what can do..
who ask me lazy...
give up ??? i think to do that many times..
but i cannot leave there..
because i like it life..
all members same like my family member..
but i stress if i still remain my lazy habit..
new year coming...
think positive..
change myself..
ppl can give up me..only myself cannot give up myself...cheer...
try to change myself...to be better ~
in study too.. i have same habit..always skip what that i no understand..
that my result always bad ..hehhehehe
vivian vivian vivian...
new year new vivian..
more target..
to become better vivian...
wish all my friends can do the same thing too...
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